youre lurking in front of me
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
