and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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