I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
