Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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