I wish I only lived at night.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Randomize
