I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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