last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
