We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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