If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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