I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize