OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
