oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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