I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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