I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
