she woke up with a sticky ear
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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