Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
