you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
