she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
