I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize