If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just blew my weed a kiss
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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