We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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