I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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