so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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