I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
