This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
