Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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