Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
