Kareoke will never be a sober sport
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize