At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
