so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
