Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
