ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
