if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
