I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
