did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
