We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
