There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize