I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Randomize
