i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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