dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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