Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize