new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
