her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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