she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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