Will you blow on my dice?
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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