i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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