I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize