Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
accomplished twins. life is a go
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
