my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
