Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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