I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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