I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
