he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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