lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize