You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
