Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize