Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
