Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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