Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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