no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
