I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
