drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
