but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
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