using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize