she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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