i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
