I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
