Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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